Forgiveness ~ Friday, July 25, 2025

In 1972, I was three
no more than a toddler saying goodbye

next door, in Middlesex, the girl witnessed
in a moment, the sadism to come
not for her but for me, as my brother
emerged then from my lack of consciousness
trauma, as a cruel joke, as lack of care
each day, I try to forget my childhood
each day, I fail to create the context
nothing more than perspective set upright

sadism in childhood by a bully
even members of my family worth less
vengeance-wise than wisdom of me demands
every memory set aside, brackets
needed to serve phenomenology
to bracket experience to study
yesterday, I woke up as an old man

trouble with getting older is time stops
working to make the body healthier
orbit the sun, people circle trauma

I will never be the man I could have

were I not mistreated as a small boy
a decade of neglect warps the fabric
set as a tapestry within space-time

trust me, I cannot trust a soul, no one
how I make concessions to the spirit
revealed as a teenager in despair
each day, I remember sad memories
each day, I just want to die, to forget