"I sought fit words to paint the blackest face of woe" ~ Sir Philip Sidney

“If a child is isolated or neglected and they never develop a real connectedness to others and what they’re feeling, it becomes more and more difficult to internalize and process those experiences later in life.” ~ Psychologist Ramone Ford, PhD --- Because I did not choose my family except no one gets to choose their birthright clearly, my issues stem from my childhood anti-social, a lack of empathy understanding the feelings of others suffering from emotions held too tight explanations come much too late, no good I am a broken man, a tortured child destroyed by fathers, mothers, and brothers if each person exhibits diamond mind describe facets of personality no one sees the future, we are all blind only a few have capability to see beyond the present, what is wild choice appears metaphysical, to choose how to decide between different options of course, before conception, no one knows or perhaps, everything is a blown fuse sabotaged for a reason from the start e...

« Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate » They say, everyone is in the same boat how all living beings on this planet embark on the way, and, in their own way yes, in outer space does this life raft float survival on the blue marble is hard at times, pointless, even if you can get yes, laid from time to time, people, they say each day, ride CTA without a clue visions of rough sleepers in the train yard each day, the mayor is no greater than reality dictates, in this motel yes, half-naked homeless bums use the can only, with no toilets, how train cars smell no one makes a fuss, while eyes look askew each day, the Red Line is The Inferno inside, Virgil and Dante sit and read surrounded by poverty in this hell inside, two shades read about Salerno nine circles from Ninety-Fifth to Howard two shades, undead, take the train, serve and lead how they appear unbothered by the smell each day, I see dead people ride the train suck it up, never let on, you, coward ...

Alea iacta est My ex-wife spoke little about her past yet, she was interested in my life exactly what she liked was my last name xenophilia, on the whole, to last waits, naturally, to allow for change in the art of marriage, carry a knife for cutting boxes at the bookstore, shame everything must come to an end, no good such is life, I went away to arrange perhaps, my affairs or my state of mind order and organization, I seek kindness, my depression, a yoke I find expresses the horror found in the weak life is unfair to some, some wear a hood in this world, recognition means money titled and privileged, as in my surname to marry into royalty, a wedge literally placed between us, funny exactly why she kept my last name, work as her professional work name, the shame blame and pointless name-calling game, to hedge our bets on principles, ego, or wealth underlying the desire, as a quirk to revert back to her maiden name, heard how could I be less petty, let it go e...

She used to tell me that I think too much Since time immemorial, God flips coins honest to God, why would I lie, the sun eclipsed by the full moon, such decisions underlying all conditions, what joins station to station but points on a grid endlessly, seemingly infinite fun decidedly with little excisions time unfolds each development in space only what can be known, God has not hid the rest may be found in discovery each development in space unfolds time let go and let God in recovery let bygones be bygones, forgive the crime meeting the devil lacks the face-to-face encounter with Jesus some who believe take for granted as real, imagine God having the time of His life meeting you as if the rationale explains the weave the warp and the weft in a tapestry I dig my own grave deep under the sod that I was born once is enough, I knew how reincarnation, heaven and hell in this world cannot be proven as true nothing but suffering and sorrow sell kindness as a theory,...

What does it mean to be alive and free honestly, I cannot find my way in time advance two steps forward and one step back thaw my heart from the cold as you can see direction, none found to be right, so lost on the path, untouched by the city grime exasperated, I feel, by the lack shown by myself towards others, of care insist on the economics, the cost to help, to offer assistance, spare change money cannot effectively change hands effectively make good what was once strange answer the question if you can, these lands noteworthy for history, no one dare tell the dead that they died for no reason only this arbitrary injustice burns a neuron, full of angst and despair exasperated by the cold season ask me why I ask you what is unknown life is phenomenal, is it just us in the universe, at the county fair versions of the truth clearly see the lies each person tells themselves, worked to the bone answers I find in sorrow and regret no way to turn the clock back, mul...

If they say, "Life is worth living," they lie In this world of suffering and sorrow fortune and luck appears arbitrary the ability to explain great wealth hindsight takes karma as debt to borrow enforce the lie to avoid rebellion yes, legitimation crisis fairy society gets high, destroys its health arbitrary how fate seems to decide yes, the joke is on you, you, poor hellion Life is one big fat lie, rationalize institutional racism as law for legal and binding, legitimize engagement, indigenous lives, a flaw in the system to allow genocide slavery and human rights abuses worthy is Thy hand, great Anarch! let fall on the audience, the curtain, the show red as dead roses, ends all excuses tuck your tail between your legs, no one cares how you show your remorse, how rude, what gall life is worth living, they say, what a blow insist the murdered, this great pantomime violence and revolution, who bears injury as better, as the good life needless hatred an...

Unless you want to die by lethal force nervous, trigger-happy fingers, think twice lest the road is paved with good intentions exceptions to the rule exist but source such beliefs from the spring, from the fountain sussed out the suspects, a pair of dice you experience their interventions only time will tell if they help to guide underlying waters in the mountain want to argue, confront, dispute the law angry individuals pose as good nervous, trigger-happy fingers, a claw the crab raises high above, stiff as wood to face the opposition without pride objects in the mirror appear stranger die by the hand of the other, the point in life is to live and to thrive, alive eclipsed by the moon, darkness tests anger by lycanthropy, werewolf, a belief yes, the man believes, when he smokes a joint lethal force under a full moon, the drive emerges with a lack of sense, reason touches mind with logic, faces grief honestly, but really, what does that mean as lies abound, fict...

Propositional Logic All men are mortal. Socrates is a man. Socrates is mortal. --- Socrates is a deceased trans woman objects of propositional logic clearly, nothing of sorrow is funny rest assured, she will not wake up, wooden as a sad smile, her friends cannot believe their eyes, her smile always full of magic each day seems longer than the last, money settles all debts but death owns no account investment in culture flows through a sieve symbols of a driven bureaucracy answers to her death nowhere to be found death is the humus of autocracy endless conjecture why she died, unsound creation, imperfect, the paramount emergency powers could not care less as she was not their child, what do they know severed from emotions, the government exacts revenge on wealth, as you could guess decisions made above the president tragedy in society, news flow released in waves, no wonder the sea meant almost everything to her, a surfer nothing but salt water, no precedent s...

Automatically, atomic habits under the aegis of addiction form tomorrow, a fiction, to plan ahead only the present, each moment, rabbits map the course of history from warrens answers to the past, to lightning, a storm travels from west to east, encounters dread inside the anxious minds of the reborn careful of what beliefs entail, sirens alarmed by the spirit, entice pleasure lessons to learn fast at a later date lessons on how to find buried treasure yes, tabula rasa, wipe clean the slate angry sailors on ghost ships, full of scorn tumble over the sides, starboard and port over the edge to drown, already dead mission accomplished on an old carrack invisible as long dead souls that snort cocaine by the gram, they cannot get high harbors refuse the dead sailors, unfed around the world, they sail, as to attack battle-worthy galleons, nothing new inveterate gamblers, try to espy the meaning to life beyond forty-two suffering, hungry ghosts have bad habits

At Middlebury, She Hoped to Start Fresh. In Trump’s America, It Seemed Impossible. Lia Smith was a senior at Middlebury College, a transgender woman and, for a time, an athlete on the school’s diving team. But she struggled to feel accepted, and in October, she took her own life. By Juliet Macur Juliet Macur reported this story from Middlebury, Vt., and Woodside, Calif., and interviewed more than a dozen people who knew Lia Smith Jan. 5, 2026 https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/05/us/middlebury-college-trans-student-suicide.html --- If you are having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or go to  SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources  for a list of additional resources. --- It is sad, very sad, so very sad for people not to see the big picture yes, not the movies but as life changes objects and people come and go, the bad understand nothing but act like they do as if they were good, and maybe, for sure really before they made their e...

“We’re not going to sell our soul,” she said. “We’re not stupid.” ~ Pipaluk Lynge As simple idiots, they says stupid Asinine as Balaam on his donkey sees not the angel, their sword set to strike simpletons Make America Great, ears inverted hear the drums of war and flee maybe the greatest generation won perhaps, resistance is futile, we like like, like, but do nothing worthwhile, our fears elicit no response, no resistance in war, partisans fight with hand or gun death is an opportunity to grow in a world based on hate, we must fight back or die as idiots who like to show that ignorance reigns supreme for our lack simply to guide a ship, now, at first glance the proverbial ostrich hides their head hidden in the sand, or a bush, the tools each person holds like manna from the sky yes, your smart phones, our daily bread simple to use, they control our actions actions govern how we respond but fools yes, those in government, the big fat lie suck up to informers, sy...

In this world, yes, there is no ha-satan If I say, the evil inclination notoriously personifies man then, I lie, for ideas, I imagine help myself and others since creation indeed guide the masses to delusion such is the measure of man that I span with each step as I run with this engine object of great envy, for greed is real reality, simply, an illusion lets the mind make sense of what we create delusion occurs with categories yet, the iron tracks as rails guide our fate each day, to our destinations, stories stories, stories, we make up, practice spiel that I say, there is no good or evil how can this be, as mind creates the forms each day, on the train, I reflect and write reality is language, no devil even though, the other reflects my mind if I say, I believe, then thunderstorms subtly appear from God, even despite no evidence of said being, I think ordinarily of such matters, blind helpless to consequences, conditions arise before existence, before thought...

If I tell you there is no afterlife for there is no proof in the evidence I know nothing but this one life we have together as pilgrims, foreign to strife each day of the journey, we float in space light as feathers on Jupiter, intense lift to pull up our boots out of the grave yellow muck, our outsoles covered with grime only time will tell if death ends with grace unless I commit a crime then I know that I know nothing as Socrates said how do I know what I cannot prove, show each person the pudding, our daily bread religion pokes a hole in flesh, a crime eternal based on faith, or lack as such if death ends with death, with my final breath suck the yellow dust from the air and die no punishment worse than this, too, too much overwhelming suffering everywhere as life ends with death, so itself must death for how strange or foreign, empty the sky these thoughts steal clouds from empty graves, I speak each day, I say too much, say less, take care remember to descr...

Yes, I am surrounded by white people even if they appear...whacked out on crack suffering from karma on the Red Line I am not Buddha under the steeple as you see, you accept wrongs in your rights mercy to the blind man, for to attack sorrow as a descendant with no spine understanding the foundations for grief religion as ideology fights religion with no agenda, defend organized beliefs despised by others underground, a man stands, waits for the end nothing means anything to his brothers difference comes in a packet, relief eternity and the eternal seem decisively unknown, if you had seen bittersweet chocolate melt, what do you know yes, that bread rises, less said, as to gleam witness to the truth, eat a candy bar hit the wall with a ball, move on, the sheen inside the train car appears...how we show tolerance in this day and age, such rage emerges with violence from afar perhaps no one understands this prison each to their own, how do they gauge their strength ...

Call it whatever, call it what you want leave me out of this, just leave me alone enlightenment, is that what you call this achieve uncertain objectives, you flaunt real life as a beautiful distraction in transparency, give the dog a bone nothing but bliss to touch within your kiss time and again, I seek to end this game empty illusions full of attraction nothing lost, nothing gained but platitudes traffic blocks certainty without a doubt in this world, within certain attitudes observed by others, water from a spout nothing left to understand but my name simple, a task for dull knives to make sharp empirical insights uncover lies foster a community based on hope foster the team to observe the prime goal answer an inquiry with a disguise cover your face from disease with a mask enlightenment, just hang on to the rope delusions appear with a lump of coal understand nothing, nothing to observe picture a world without color, you ask like a child, how this could be p...

Westron wynde, when wyll thow blow The smalle rayne downe can rayne? Cryst yf my love were in my armys, And I yn my bed agayne! ~ Anonymous --- For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. ~ John 3:16 (NIV) --- Coleen blew in with the Chicago breeze on a zephyr, full of sunshine, big smile leave it to Christ to make women happy every once in a while, if I should sneeze every once in a while, I meet Spirit noticing her Sunday dress without guile blessings from her mouth, sounds a bit sappy learn about Jesus on the Brown Line train every once in a while, deep in a pit wishful thinking, nothing but big blue eyes imagine that I have been here before not unlike my past life, a maze of lies women, beautiful distractions, to store in a book, on a tally sheet, my brain trained to read between the lines, beauty honors the grotesque with loving-kindness trouble from the start, for a man t...

Marisol asks if my beard gathers crumbs answers range from, no but it collects birds red wing blackbirds as if inside a nest incredulous, I pull one out, she hums softly in my hand, I put her away or I say it collects honey, my words leave my lips, golden sweet, pure lies, my best ask me a question, I will tell you lies simple, subtle fictions, imagine day kisses night for the wolves to howl, an owl silently floats to capture a rodent innocent, white lies, Kant dislikes, a bowl for spaghetti, a colander, I bent my head, mischievous as a cat, the skies yellow with clouds, full of sunshine, photons bend my neurons, interconnected web emerge from the sun, under nine minutes ask me a question, mouth full of bonbons remember, I am an old man, I bend down to reach my toes, but these knees, I rub gently, maybe my shins, deep in my guts answers I hear about my health, I ask the doctor, just IBS, on the mend how do I touch the floor with my hands flat energy dissipates o...

They asked me why you cried, after you died how tears streamed down your face, just like a saint erasing the makeup caked on your face yet, what I want to remember, you lied as if you saved me by your suicide save yourself, I cannot watch your mom faint kiss you goodbye, you left me in disgrace each time I reflect on events, I find disaster in your life, death as my bride my life changed, not for the better, survive each day at work, I lost my sense of play when I knocked on the door were you alive how I could not see this coming, they say yes, we are all blind in a way, as mind yellow with egg on its face, tastes the yolk ordinarily people try to cope understand, I am not trying to blame creative forces for your death, I sulk remembering why I cannot return instants unfold by choice, I have no hope enlist the masses to comprehend, shame decisions entail actions as a choice arguments, null and void, a moot point, burn forests in paradise down to the ground tell ...

Ursus americanus Every day, I wake up, I am grateful versions of the truth but why must I lie each day, a pain in my neck, soft pillows remember to note what is least hateful yet still more platitudes, as money burns diminished fifths, the tritone chord, a fly augmented fourths, dissonance and willows yet the buzz over shit, let us take turns I know, I know, what is the point of this wake up with sciatica down my leg as this pain in my butt is real, I kiss kiss, kiss the world goodbye, what if I beg each day for God to show me the way, pray under the covers, or down on my knees please show me the way, does God really care I know, I know, I know nothing, the bees at work, make sense, honey, if as a bear maybe a California black bear, say genius makes mistakes, as you see, you read read, read but know nothing, what can you know as I get used to the pain, what I find terrible is that joy in life, I need everyone is the same, we suffer strife file under: nothing new...

666 Anton Blvd, Costa Mesa, CA 92626 Back in the day, we hung out, late at night at the Noguchi Garden , together call it punk, call it goth, or death and gloom killing time, liquid sunshine dazzle, bright instinctual coping mechanism necessary for birds of a feather to bond together in the practice room how the garage became our music space even though our neighbor through a prism decided noise was a matter of choice apoplectic, we thought he had a stroke yes, eager to strike a chord with one voice we hung out together while we were broke except we never became rich, what grace haunts the sculpture garden, we had our fun until graduation, we moved away no longer able to afford to thrive given the expenses of sea and sun over the years, we met for reunions until we got too old to care, they say time and again they are busy, alive living in paradise, somewhere not far at least, we had our fun, such opinions transform our core beliefs, for without faith ephemeral...

Sovereign Foreigners Alex and Zooey never talked in class letters apart, they sat in their corner each one, diametrically opposite xenophilia, as strangers that pass around a blind corner, only to hear nimble views, a sovereign foreigner deep in thought, inside a walk-in closet Zinnia, stood outside the door, a lark outside the window, a kite without fear only Franz spoke to Franny, his sister each twin knowing the other inside out yes, Fanny messed around playing twister never is a long time, without a doubt even if Alex and Zooey would park versions of the story, the truth be told every day by the track and walk to school reasons unknown to others, for their peers talked in one voice, a rustle of noise, cold above the kingdom, the sovereign spoke liquid sunshine dazzled the students, cool kisses, loving-kindness, cheek to cheek, cheers every sophisticated person knows despite the country bumpkin being broke inside MKULTRA , the aftermath never mentioned in ...

In 1983, 14 years old now, 42 years later, emotions Nothing changes on New Year's Day, U2 if a song reminds me of what was gold nothing but a flood of memories, friends each blown away by the winds of oceans titanic eruptions, ever so blue each day, I long to return, for the best each year, I grow older, the sea breeze sends nothing but sweet, salty kisses of air Each time, I listen to the old songs, tears interrupt a moment, business, fair fair given the facts, that tracks, wipe off the fears haunting my gut, eviscerated, rest today is New Year's Day, away from work yes, a day off, chores and laundry, go run The ability to focus, lock in how I learn to let go, just a small perk reach my goals, picks me up, blessings show up every time, I go for a run, no fun every day, a little more pain, a pin Finds spots in my body to poke and show old man, I am, now, I drink from the cup until I am no more, once I am dead remember me, cherish this life, I sing the...