"I sought fit words to paint the blackest face of woe" ~ Sir Philip Sidney

But not without vision, not without sight left to my own devices, no guidance instructions at the gate, I cannot read no knowledge, before books, before the light destroys my chance to overcome ethics terminal as cancer, ask death to dance obligations to metastasize, spread theta as Thanatos , unlucky, black hungry, empty, starving, dying, no tricks endless spinning at the roulette table red or black, the croupier spins the wheel endlessly round and round, write a fable passions fleeting, desire diminished, steal emptiness from the gods, wolves in a pack restless, devour ageless adolescence creativity burns the candle wick until both ends calculate to weigh smoke so, to apologize, in my defense sorry was never good enough, but kiss ignorance on the mouth with a tongue flick objects of my sorrow, why I must toke nothing less than unholy divine weed salvage memories from the house of bliss objects of pure joy in the rubbish bin foreign-born, no passport, no alleg...

If I say anything about myself, for instance, I believe nothing makes sense, I could not imagine that you would see, seldom am I read, a book on the shelf, aspects of the novel, a character, yes, as you see, I may appear so dense, anything other than a bumble bee, no less humble than honey, as you lick, yes, I am thick and rich, give me a stir, touch me, somebody touch me, if you please, how a valentine is never my game, ignorance is blind, from the start, you tease, nothing less than my best, so that I came, give me your heart, I will show you a trick.

For poetry makes nothing happen: it survives  ~  " In Memory of W. B. Yeats"  ~ W. H. Auden Forget about our history for change organizes and makes order from lines recalled nearly one hundred years ago problems solved, missions accomplished, derange occasions for The Complaints Department egotistical jellyfish lack spines troublemakers in dark caves that echo remember " never again " but now, ACT yes, poetry begs and pleads, but is spent machinations before the beginning augment and exacerbate all the lies kindness can only do so much, winning everyone knows takes teamwork for the prize solves the riddle to the question of tact nothing but diplomacy works in life only when diplomacy fails, then war takes place in the aftermath, appeasement horrible to imagine with such strife insight is blind, while hindsight comes too late needless to say, we know now how hard-core governments of autocrats appear bent hostile, belligerent, murderous, wild an...

Thelma, my aunt, and Pam, my girlfriend, watch hour after hour as we argue each to their own, how we grieve, my mother belligerent as fuck, she could not catch in a heartbeat, a break, from me, dummy given our history, laughter on cue persona, a stage mask as the other inside the blanket of ego, we hide catch a break, her husband dies, how crummy to argue with their son, at the service unexpected circumstances, too late reveals the coffin bolted shut, surprise eventually, everyone finds their place I see the big picture, the one they chide

With attention to detail, she sees milk in the carton, pours it into a glass then drinks, her brother observes her and sees her as God, and the milk as God, the silk appears to shimmer, soft tremulous light to pour God into God, walk on the grass the blades tickle the soles of your feet, bees enter and exit their nest, the hollow nestled in a tupelo tree, the bright tremulous light at dawn, when the birds sing invent another world, where beauty dies only to awaken, rebirth, to bring not only joy but sorrow with the flies traveling great distances to follow orgiastically, an assent to scent dead animal, putridity, to smell entrails of a buck, hit and left for dead to watch an animal suffer is bent as a stick in the water, although straight indeed the appearance rings like a bell light tremulous soft as a breeze, I read somewhere in an old philosophy book how what appears may not open the gate enter and exit the bees from their hive something may not be as it seem...

Colorless green ideas sleep furiously Concerning light within a transmission omission concerning actions neglect light as spectrum in particles or waves obligations require a commission regarding actions of active duty limited to a service to inspect empty rubbish bins, evidence near graves serial killer exhumes skeletons simply to hide the bodies, their sooty grotesque, ashen demeanor, their faces reveal their last moment alive in fear enveloped in a mystery, spaces empty of permanence, devoid of clear necessary discourse explained by nuns ideologically unsound to blame dysfunctional adult-children of rage engage in hand-to-hand combat with wine absent of a false sense of self, the shame surfaces at moments, full of distress sinister when in a rush, in a cage leftovers reheated without a spine every book, a collection of pages every book, a collection of leaves mess pistachio shells on the train floorboards forgetful of righteous indignation until symphony mu...

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear Only dill pickles taste better with brine bittersweet dark chocolate memories jettisoned like ballast to provide lift eject the catcher from the game, no fine create a diversion to distract guards tumble down the mountain, empty blue skies ski down the slopes on powder snow, a gift ignorant and metaphorically blind no one listens or reads words of the bards mind appears to reflect an afterthought insane atrocity exhibition reason, a heist, cannot help but get caught recover the stolen inhibition order a vat of dill pickles, so kind remember the monkey bars at recess artifacts from the museum for sale remind me of lessons I cannot learn embers in the fire pit, must I digress caution while crossing across the crosswalk linger awhile in bed, late for work, fail online the cloud observes each move, each turn shuffle my feet, too slow, like an old man eclipse the sun with the moon, no more talk resolve problems, no animos...

There once was a time, long ago, I dreamt hopes, in this world, were not misbegotten each day since, I have this sinking feeling reality appears full of contempt each day since I dreamt, I feel I was wrong only now I see I have forgotten nervous, chaotic energy dealing cards at the poker table, I was right each day to relinquish my dreams, so strong wishful thinking to imagine my hopes appear to matter to anyone else simply erroneous, world full of dopes apparently believe in a gift horse take me out back and shoot me, so uptight if you put me out of my misery murder as compassion is nothing false each day since I dreamt, my hopes have no pulse little to see inside my treasury only promissory notes and past debts nothing to show but lack of discipline guaranteed to fail, only cursory attachments to adults who could not care guidance more or less was without regrets only children who succeed toe the line I was told, I was never a good boy despite my childhood, h...

Suck head crawfish daddy, lick spit, lover organize the parlor or, the bedroom unnecessary to mention, eat scat numb coprophiliac undercover concerned with MKUltra LSD order the disorder of the bridegroom obliged to discipline and punish [stat] lateral unhumorous thoughtlessness necessary to prosecute pity over and over again and again trauma is no excuse for past mistakes hurt people hurt people sounds quite insane over and over roll with the earthquakes tremblors shudder to bump the emptiness virtue over vision, all lose an eye empty bird cage, canary in the mouth revenge, sorry, is a bad dream come true yet, to imagine harm and say goodbye burn the house down or, set the house ablaze let go of thoughts, emotions, plans gone south uncle, say uncle, dear brother, sniff glue ephemeral legacy, a moot point nervous to live within the purple haze objects in mirror, closer and closer to appear distant in proximity reality trips up the day grocer enter and exit the...

Mr. Gabidar burns capitalist money inviting investigation from the Bureau suffering from midlife identity crisis taken from CCTV video records entirely captured while offering spare cash received from the local Chase bank, two dollar bills Gabidar burns each bill as he gives them away admittedly, he states, an art installation burns money to get attention for homelessness inviting investigation, stand on the flag despite the news coverage, the notoriety art for art's sake, a lie, starving artists suffer remembering the cause for the stunt, the homeless burnt from neglect, lack of guidance, exploitation understanding profit from artistic exploits renegade punk, Gabidar makes a foundation needless to say, prior to the event, to help set-up a non-profit for the homeless to make citizens aware of their plight and poverty asked why two dollar bills, Hypocrite Jefferson pushed for Democracy for all but African slaves inviting investigation, Gabidar laughs to say art...

You see, I got what was coming to me otherwise karma would be meaningless understanding nothing, people move on seeking satisfaction in their affairs endless hunger, people become like ghouls endlessly seeking to fulfill desires I learned the hard lessons but cannot help guarantee ultimate reality others do not know ends their suffering transmit mindfulness, cessation of pain wisdom is lost on young and old alike how I am sorry to speak even here aperture of a camera lets light pass transforms the phenomenal world, a room words inside a box etch dark images arched chamber of privacy, words escape secretly, without a judge or jury catharsis cleanses the surface at depth ordinary or extraordinary meaning nullifies actions with slogans insistent on retribution, assigns nemesis to karma, a clear mistake guaranteed to endless and needless war triumph for the victors, the spoils of hate obedience gains the highest honor make mine a double whiskey neat, NO ICE each d...

If I believe in your First Century fairy tale-legend of God-Spirit-Man I find indoctrination as your creed belligerent Sixteenth Century priests enter through the back door of history little left of Inquisition but faith if I believe it is in spite of hate every narrative, a silver lining vision bursts clouds as the lies of the mind even if I could doubt, whom to deny incredible to imagine, just think now how easy to write a four-fold tale yes, the good news, gospel truth, so to speak only I cannot hold a candle flame under such a fair breeze, without the facts researched with documentation, context forgotten or neglected by others important artifacts missing but faith revelation does not need such objects source materials, archeology tomb, birthplace, death's head, verification curious, chicken or the egg, the creed enters theology as a demand not a request but as a dismissal this removal from economic wealth until by the sword, take the given name receiv...

My potatoes become visionaries yes! Full of eyes, poisonous mute eyesores poison to Mithridates, stupid stuff only my brother, Terence, does he read tater tots for breakfast, cocaine for sex ask me if I care about millionaires toke a few more hits, Mocha Man, brother only in shame, bloody childhood sadist each day, I remember what he forgets simple, forgive yourself and just forget bitterness for decades, what is the point each day, I long for death, this stupid life courage to remain dutiful to mind only what is good, what is positive may the sorrow of this world recover each day, I pray for forgiveness, to whom sullen, I walk to work, pure drudgery virtues, my family chose their dysfunction inhabit the lies, feelings, talking, trust simple away from dysfunctional lies institutional hatred of illness only a momentary lapse, insane not for long, a scapegoat, the rest of time as reason is my guide and my weapon reason lets go of lies, family and love if your fam...

This is a book I cannot write but not however because I do not know how in fact, I have written multiple books still, certain subjects remain off limits indeed because dysfunctional families suffer an endless game of shame and blame arguments arise without referees because who wants to get involved in this obviously, this is fun for no one obviously, this will resolve nothing kindness heals as a topical ointment I must persist to talk and not to talk cancel the movie, go to a meeting anonymity, the only recourse no communication, no steps forward no steps forward, decades lost in meetings obviously, there is a point to this to life itself, not to suffer in hell witness the past to let go and move on reality sets in, no guidance found if things were otherwise but they were not times and people were different back then even if we could return to the past but in the heat of the moment what sense understanding, context and perspective to change and make the past be...

If I could drop away body and mind foreign objects in light of pure spirit I wait for the green light to cross the street conditions since before I was born blind ontological metaphors for sight under a hoodie, I lose, bit by bit literal sense of self, in the white heat denotation drops away, basic sense drops away, Descartes drops away, despite reason in Cartesian coordinates ordinary mind drops away, dharma plays tricks, makes tests, sets rules that law dictates appears and disappears, observes karma weighs the idea of truth, faced with difference active interconnections intertwine yet, blindness precludes occlusions in time blindness shuts out knowledge of the future ontological metaphors decline desperate efforts to foresee events yet, what is always is, stop on a dime all events already exist, endure never passing, always present, to find demonstrably, the monster makes no sense maybe the Minotaur is my brother in all events, a connection to fate not prede...

Kiss loving-kindness goodbye, chicken industrial food processing governs loving-kindness amongst humanity loving-kindness breakfast patties quicken chicken-hearted protesters to the quick rush the stage and trample the slow by turns understand, say sorry, full of pity say sorry and move on, enjoy the show humanity on display, take your pick display the sick, spiteful, unattractive egotistical bankruptcies of greed suck sugar and eat fat, the inactive trigger point diet, a second term creed religious politics out the window objects in mirror reflect the feeders yet, late capitalism calls our bluff answers, answers everywhere, the questions never discussed, never with rug beaters destroy the world to inherit the earth monsters, so ordinary, they sell stuff artisanal espresso drinks, gestures kill the chickens to make breakfast patties eat up, kids, yum-yum good, what is it worth if there is no heaven or hell, the rules never apply to the few who will kill take commercial farming, say les...

"The eternal sky does not inhibit the flight of the white clouds." ~ Eihei Kōroku 15 Rational Zen: The Mind of Dōgen Zenji , p.51 Translated and edited by Thomas Cleary Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boston, 1992 This morning, a fuzzy caterpillar hobbled and bobbled across the pavement enjoying the moment and full of awe endless folds unravel Axis Polar terminal, a Blue bike comes to a stop empires rise and fall, but to tell it slant repay the overdue balance, to owe never recovers until all debts end as the Blue bicyclist passes, I step lightly, full of trepidation, my fear subject to possibility, to math kiss the world goodbye, squishy fuzzy guy yet, oblivious to harm done, the myth dies but the caterpillar remains gay ordinary probability, far external factors, those seen and unseen sick with anger against entitlement no one cares about the caterpillar oblivious to harm done all too soon tranquility in equanimity inside the mind, empty of ideas, punt no one catches on to Ax...

If sex were conditional and intense for as a drunk wasted goes twice unheard sex on the beach sounds gritty as a drink even internet porn says drop your pants xylophone, a code word for beating off work in the red light district makes it hard even at sunset, her junk in the trunk real time sex slaves travel to Istanbul even if it were funny, if you laugh condoms break and you may end up with twins ontologically, no such thing as love nothing but being there for your son, Hans diminished returns plays fifths at your grave irons left in the fire, beat the anvil tragically, a life without love or sex intuition shows love, an illusion of political proportions, is not nothing but something contingent, a fox answers the call for the chase as busy love without sex is A Lesson in Chán answers from the fox appear much too pat nothing comes from nothing, love must exist despite diminished fifths, tritone baby insincere for a lark, the fox plays dumb nothing exists that ha...

Mumble Bumble stumbles down the staircase underneath he hears the laughter, says less moves stiffly as if he wears a peg leg beautiful women watch him climb up close laughter from his children, what does he care erase the past with each step, such a loss Bumble Mumble can do without, to lag under the weight of his corpulent heft multiple people say start with your core but he devours apples leaving the stem leaving this world behind, body and mind entering the eternal thunderstorm surfing the ocean of ideas to mend troubles as a result of his short shrift unsympathetic suffering for change murder the ephemeral soul and stew blindly in the darkness, sit and unthink lest the self awakens and seeks revenge exit the sorrow of a sugarcube soft and malleable, how could he stow dissidents in his carry-on and thank obsolete blue jeans for ventilation work until the stars disappear, the cove needlessly hides the ancient gods, no cure thankfully for body image but love h...

Theory sees the dead bird on the pavement holds the idea, nothing lasts forever exhibits sympathy for a dead bird only to walk away, to see a glint reflects the mind of the abstract thinker yet, the windows distract birds and they fall onto the pavement, where we feel no guilt fallen birds on my way to work, I cry Poetic, the visceral world, drunkard of the first kill as ritual bloodsport esthetic stalking, stealthily approach the hunters of the chase in the spirit inane to smile at a camera and touch caution with blood-smeared face, the death of joy Experience over decades observes xenoi as strangers or even as guests patient, waiting for services rendered encounters the ephemeral and starves realizing the middle path as sage ignorance misunderstands why wind gusts empty the sky of clouds beyond the starred notion of space, finite or infinite creation, an idea of God, a seiche exists before time, fishermen need bait Time creates memories, duality intuition of...

The bodies of women, murdered, buried hidden beneath humus, where, forgotten each corpse, brutally raped, their locations burned in his memories, beside the road or, in a fresh garden, how convenient dead but not forgotten, beneath the sun in a ditch, not easy to find, trash cans easy, too easy to get caught, he knows sick, spiteful, unattractive, yet brilliant of the bodies, he keeps a ledger, where for the most part, meticulously set written in code by a madman, the choir of angels in his mind praise his black cat mentally, his focus, to sharpen claws enter this den of iniquity, thrown neatly in a pile, down in the basement messy garden apartment, where he lives under the cover of darkness, at dawn resting comfortably on a firm mattress deep in sleep, delta waves, the ceiling slant endlessly strange in design, he behaves reasonably well inside, no bodies end up here, he was once a man of class despite his avocation, he reads maths beloved professor, hit by a c...

What would your deceased grandfather       in heaven, as you say, think of you, now how would my nephews' deceased grandfather       in a tin box at the cemetery             think of you asking me...oh wait, he's dead as I see it, this is a test, I fail       as I cannot afford to feed the world transcend the misery of drug addicts       living in poverty, no assistance would my dead father have anything much       to think or say, probably, not at all of course, I wouldn't be surprised, I fail       to grasp the significance of your speech understand that I know you are hungry       but for what, drink and drugs, food and shelter             like monks and priests in their prison system lef...

Disagree to agree to disagree ignorant bloody apes are people who seem unable to make a concession argue just to argue, who seek the grey gray wolves, ravenously hungry, in packs remain more ecological than whey environmental methane waste, fission enters the atmosphere with sunlight rays terrible to work with idiots, Sox of course, all the way, stay away from fools ask less, duplicitous doppelgänger gherkin, cucumber pickle, silver eels real time zucchini, unchic, eel conger empty jars to fill in medias res eggs, pickled eggs, from the beginning, eggs transform the dialogue to stay on top open the door, Uncle Nepo, the mist darkness, deep down, at the bottom, the crags influence affluence, absurd power sleeps deep beneath the sea, black oil on tap arguments awaken the cuckoo's nest green eggs, disagreeable for breakfast recall the weirdness, perfectly oval egregious mistakes, live and learn, move on exact revenge, bad idea, waste of time apes are bloody, i...

Her blue eyes take no notice of my bag evade my presence on the train, focus regards her conversation on the phone blue eyes, blonde hair, who cares, must a dog beg left to struggle alone by my family under the watchful gaze of without cause every day uncertain as if a fine exists for being born elsewhere, not here yes, this political climate, holy excrement, in my bag, a red ribbon seen yet unseen, without recognition tremble as a small man, not tall, the bin attracts rubbish, this pretentious nation kills hopes and dreams, her blue eyes, frightened hare except she takes exception, description necessarily acts as a mirror observes the speaker and reflects their mind nothing but a clear bag, pain in my shin old shoes to run distance down the blue line take a moment to breathe, drink at the bar ink from an octopus, now in demand call mom, talks for a minute, says goodbye every runner follows along the lane only until the end of the race, lunch follows breakfast a...

She did not notice but noticed the bag how wishful thinking magically applies except fiction is not and this is real distance versus proximity, the pug in her lap, yap yap yap, like Uncle Walt diminished fifths, augmented fourths, the rose not only does not smell as sweet but rail on about nothing of importance, loudly talks on the train, solipsistic, to melt needlessly, my brain in her factory obviously, I am stupid to think to imagine, to hope and pray, scary if to long for recognition, I thank crass casualty to let me feel badly each day on the poverty train, I see business as usual, what goes unseen unheard, unnoticed is my pride, let go take a moment to breathe, and let doves coo nothing is no longer worthwhile to chase only death cannot come, only too soon too late for some, for those who cannot be indifferent what is ephemeral chase down rabbits, lovers, demons, a rose empty of value, a four-letter word deny not the prison house of language take a moment...

Sirach 1:2 The sand of the seashore, the drops of rain how the lightning falls in a thunderstorm each time, beautiful, brilliant, and different save a memory from childhood and groan at events never to happen again never is not time, the air cold and warm decisions made like a sacrifice bunt on the diamond of a green baseball field forever is a moment, here and gone these grains of sand, hot underfoot, to walk heavily on the beach in the summer each barefoot step burns a saucer of milk simmering on the stove, light grows dimmer each day after the summer solstice, fold angles accurately, sheets of paper succeed to make a paper plane, fly high honor childhood stories to reach the sun on the shoreline, running, a sand piper remember the wisdom of the Lord fails each time lightning strikes a person, to laugh terribly at such misery, the pan holds milk heated for hot chocolate, to burn every toe on the bottom of the soles distant memories awaken, to read religious w...

ξενία Within this solipsistic world, God cries impartiality dies, God takes part time and again to impart wisdom, truth honesty with laughter and joy, He tries intentionally to pick up the stone no one assumes He cannot pick up, art throws paint at a canvas, drips so uncouth honestly, people wonder what to think in this solipsistic world, give a bone slyly to a dog, such expectations serve humanity as slaves to service obey dreams until hallucinations lift the veil of delusion, catharsis insists God has a hand deep in the pink practice humility, nobody cares science explains their myths were simply lies interesting explanations, untrue serving humanity until it bears totally, the weight hospitality insists is necessary while God cries comforted by pouring glue into glue welcome to the solipsistic world, watch objects melt into gold with no pity remember, for God, though He is love lifted aloft the players on the stage despite their attempts to enter the cave ...

Distance makes proximity hard to find zip across the United States, passport in hand, to visit my mom, older now widow for a dozen years, would she mind never to see her son ever again ask me in a dozen years, my report places the blame firmly over my brow latch-key kid with a sadistic brother as unnecessary to argue when nothing will come from such futile debate ever since dad died, I gave up the ghost to social constructions, fear, greed, and hate ask me in a dozen years if the cost is my inheritance from my mother distance makes proximity hard to reach zip across the United States to what end if to grieve she argues, what is the point when to cast off this burden, at the beach never a care in the world, sea and sky if I return to treat me as a friend nevermore as family, we smoke a joint and say our goodbyes, nothing left to say nothing but stars, firewood, smoke, angry if I stayed, I would have gone quite insane edge of the western world, if I stood judged ...

Happiness is a state of mind, she says arguably as a squirrel quarrels potentially, grey, red, or black, it barks perhaps hungry for food, nobody pays interest in such animal behavior nobody cares in the least for squirrels except animal rights protesters, sparks sentence arsonists to years in prison settle a bet as to settle the score instead of the path of least resistance states of mind come and go, clouds in the sky as ephemeral as a tango dance slide across the floor elegant and high take a moment to applaud, say well done a reminder, no ideas but in things take a moment to breathe, the world moves fast equanimity nowhere to be seen objects, people, places, and things, she sings for a moment, in a foreign language maybe Marathi or Hindi, films cast in the Bollywood mold, this is her scene nervous beside a man who asks to sit decidedly across from her, track switch self-importance within conformity how tone of voice appears assertive while egg on her lips s...