"I sought fit words to paint the blackest face of woe" ~ Sir Philip Sidney

Do people not get it, the why to life Despite a strange childhood, moving from place to place, no time to settle down ordinary people come and go, come and go, no one around for long perhaps my parents seemed like escaped criminals from behind prison walls everyone comes and goes in this world and beyond, this circus has one clown only one clown, a child, the boy cannot but cry, he makes his parents proud people do not get it, the why to life is love, the how in life is wrong long ago in Goa, from Alto Porvorim, my grandmother, her goals eclipsed by her marriage to my brother's dad's dad, who died when he was young no, not his dad, our dad, we are, of course, siblings, unless behind a cloud obscured from conception, the reason why distance becomes a central theme take family as myth, the House of Atreus, with Tántalos to start generations depart from history, take part in the mundane grand scheme egocentric leaders acting as hēgemōn know how to throw a dart tra...

“If a child is isolated or neglected and they never develop a real connectedness to others and what they’re feeling, it becomes more and more difficult to internalize and process those experiences later in life.” ~ Psychologist Ramone Ford, PhD --- Because I did not choose my family except no one gets to choose their birthright clearly, my issues stem from my childhood anti-social, a lack of empathy understanding the feelings of others suffering from emotions held too tight explanations come much too late, no good I am a broken man, a tortured child destroyed by fathers, mothers, and brothers if each person exhibits diamond mind describe facets of personality no one sees the future, we are all blind only a few have capability to see beyond the present, what is wild choice appears metaphysical, to choose how to decide between different options of course, before conception, no one knows or perhaps, everything is a blown fuse sabotaged for a reason from the start e...

« Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate » They say, everyone is in the same boat how all living beings on this planet embark on the way, and, in their own way yes, in outer space does this life raft float survival on the blue marble is hard at times, pointless, even if you can get yes, laid from time to time, people, they say each day, ride CTA without a clue visions of rough sleepers in the train yard each day, the mayor is no greater than reality dictates, in this motel yes, half-naked homeless bums use the can only, with no toilets, how train cars smell no one makes a fuss, while eyes look askew each day, the Red Line is The Inferno inside, Virgil and Dante sit and read surrounded by poverty in this hell inside, two shades read about Salerno nine circles from Ninety-Fifth to Howard two shades, undead, take the train, serve and lead how they appear unbothered by the smell each day, I see dead people ride the train suck it up, never let on, you, coward ...

Alea iacta est My ex-wife spoke little about her past yet, she was interested in my life exactly what she liked was my last name xenophilia, on the whole, to last waits, naturally, to allow for change in the art of marriage, carry a knife for cutting boxes at the bookstore, shame everything must come to an end, no good such is life, I went away to arrange perhaps, my affairs or my state of mind order and organization, I seek kindness, my depression, a yoke I find expresses the horror found in the weak life is unfair to some, some wear a hood in this world, recognition means money titled and privileged, as in my surname to marry into royalty, a wedge literally placed between us, funny exactly why she kept my last name, work as her professional work name, the shame blame and pointless name-calling game, to hedge our bets on principles, ego, or wealth underlying the desire, as a quirk to revert back to her maiden name, heard how could I be less petty, let it go e...

She used to tell me that I think too much Since time immemorial, God flips coins honest to God, why would I lie, the sun eclipsed by the full moon, such decisions underlying all conditions, what joins station to station but points on a grid endlessly, seemingly infinite fun decidedly with little excisions time unfolds each development in space only what can be known, God has not hid the rest may be found in discovery each development in space unfolds time let go and let God in recovery let bygones be bygones, forgive the crime meeting the devil lacks the face-to-face encounter with Jesus some who believe take for granted as real, imagine God having the time of His life meeting you as if the rationale explains the weave the warp and the weft in a tapestry I dig my own grave deep under the sod that I was born once is enough, I knew how reincarnation, heaven and hell in this world cannot be proven as true nothing but suffering and sorrow sell kindness as a theory,...

What does it mean to be alive and free honestly, I cannot find my way in time advance two steps forward and one step back thaw my heart from the cold as you can see direction, none found to be right, so lost on the path, untouched by the city grime exasperated, I feel, by the lack shown by myself towards others, of care insist on the economics, the cost to help, to offer assistance, spare change money cannot effectively change hands effectively make good what was once strange answer the question if you can, these lands noteworthy for history, no one dare tell the dead that they died for no reason only this arbitrary injustice burns a neuron, full of angst and despair exasperated by the cold season ask me why I ask you what is unknown life is phenomenal, is it just us in the universe, at the county fair versions of the truth clearly see the lies each person tells themselves, worked to the bone answers I find in sorrow and regret no way to turn the clock back, mul...