"I sought fit words to paint the blackest face of woe" ~ Sir Philip Sidney

Handsome Demons Play Live on Tour How to learn to say goodbye and grieve loss after all that was said and done, the fun never needed to disappear, so sad despite suffering, no one gives a toss sorrow builds, to ignore the grief process obviously, to return to the sun move on, again and again, say my bad enough times to lose the meaning once felt Difficult to say, neglect an abscess enough times for trauma to multiply manifold to remove a jaw, neglect objective reality to apply nervously for Medicaid to detect syndromes manifest, blows below the belt Pretend nothing happened, fall to the ground laugh until overwhelmed by the pain, grimace angry, bargain with the devil, pass out yet, rise again to fight the demons found Lingering in denial and depression insolent, having to accept, to face virtual loss, the band, without a doubt enjoys the aggression, the audience on drugs, drunk, minds altered, a confession nobody, Isaiah, knows your sorrow Tragic how suicide de...

Forget-me-nots on the ears of a mouse lift up to hear a woman in death throes at the end of her rope as she commits suicide by hanging in her own house hold her lightly as she gave up the ghost Lift up her corpse in a box, so it goes anger, denial, stages, read the obits death notices, bargaining, depression yet, acceptance rarely comes to play host Elective affinities, reactions lift up spirits, glasses raised in a toast exit this world, beautiful distractions commit this life to cooking a pot roast tough to remember, my first impression Concentrate on sitting meditation on breathing, she took away from herself maybe this life is a game of marbles maybe this life is rigged, dedication insists on discipline, daily routine tragedy and trauma, on the bookshelf silent, quiet as a mouse, sound garbles Silence devours the impermanent soul understanding nothing, offer my spleen indifferent to consequences or pain cover her body with a shroud and pray ignorant of the truth, nothing to gain de...

Landed the role as a singer to play underpaid server in a greasy spoon casting was too easy, a single part kiss the owner and make her cry, sashay your hips in the kitchen, a bear chases guided by GPS, then a baboon underneath the floorboards emerges, start your engines, the racetrack across the street you know giant penis syndrome races every new car on the lot with stick shift answer questions, the special of the day how should you know, ask Montgomery Clift nothing but the right profile, as they say only you are a star, with the card cheat taking your tips, what do you care, the role works out perfectly for wages, stages appear ordinary, a real diner visions of the big lights, life on the dole in London, not much fun, but on the strip not Hollywood but Las Vegas, wages grind gamblers into bits, nothing finer bits and pieces, what happens in Vegas understood, the rumor mill, get a grip telephone operator places calls despite smart phones, what with the hotel ...

About my family, what I could not tell you takes place behind closed doors behind the sheer curtains, the facade, the veneer, the appearance, the cult of personality, as denial embraces dysfunction as untrue underneath this disguise of normalcy, all good, is what nature abhors the void that is devoid of matter, what matters, emptiness, a vacuum maybe I imagine, she says, I think too much, is it really my fault yes, that is what she said, accountability, in a word, the sky blue feelings and emotions overwhelm my body, I cannot understand arguments that arise, ego gets in the way, just to stay in my room maybe if I were good, I could have been better, not acting out a role impossible, I know, they hold me to account, all my fault, I was bad little bird, the black sheep, as the prodigal son, I was out of control yes, it was all my fault, they would have been normal, whatever that means, sad welcome to my old age, mom says she is dying, how things get out of hand how differen...

Wandering the earth for billions of years as if he could never die, never born never cold, nor warm, never forgotten diminished fifths, augmented fourths, his tears empty gestures, meaningless as tritones rung and hung in the air as to adorn ignorance with a dance misbegotten not unlike the earth itself, no cigar given four billion years and no smart phones tragic how the beautiful distractions how the natural world occupies mind exactly, a world without infractions ego and the felonious monk blind as a naked mole rat, no near, nor far restless for over four billion years, smart to play with fire, to crave and desire honest conversation, nobody knows forego the Lord Jesus Prayer for a start ordained as a minister for angels reluctant to accept the round lyre burdened by loneliness, where nothing grows in five billion years, nothing but demons literally, fallen angels, the quills left intact, the back of the porcupine if to speak of the hedgehog and the fox only...

Woher kommt Saṃsāra? Vor dem „Ich bin müde und ich habe Hunger“ I was born in Bombay, but the woman who asks the boy, "Where are you from?" were I to interpret, as microaggression, or to misinterpret a curiosity, a mind full of wonder, when in the 70s social etiquette died, the locals asked questions, and made themselves look dumb birth is arbitrary, the body is given, but the cultural facts of family background, entitlement, privilege, any other name, bet research the history, maybe she held a goad, to prod her enemies no animosity, not inamicable, but eudaimonia if all speech is spirit, holy or otherwise, these are known as speech acts not without intention, perdition paves the path, the road to hell, the child Bombayite, if only, never any questions, to rear its ugly head only America, land of the free and home of the brave, of the wild murderous, righteous few, chosen by destiny, manifest, full of dread born into racism, 16th-Century lies, of anhedonia aut...

As Around a Blind Corner of the Eye Around each blind corner, opportunity waits, is it love, hand in glove stick a knife in your back, Chicago, no pity, the city has no love Ask around town, you find too many solutions, too many opinions rest assured, no one cares, they will turn a blind eye to poverty and greed obey unspoken rules while on public transit, move on if you smell shit understand how it works, nothing is ever clear, not ever explicit never to recognize the horror of sorrow, why must the city bleed drown in all the hatred, decades upon decades of neglect by minions architects of status, power, corruption, lies, delusion comes to die Belligerent systems, systemic racism, nepotistic cronies listen, if you visit or stay for quite a while, Chicago does not care if you die, to bury or cremate your cold corpse, you have to pay the fare nothing but suffering, fun and joy, the spectrum, with pendulum ponies decide if the future is real or just the past, on the wall, a...

After the Feast of Saint Valentine Arguments: Italian or Sicilian foreign languages in the art of love trouble in paradise, marital bliss each to their own, but for Maximilian resolve the crisis before sleep or dream terribly about what he has to prove hover above as when butterflies kiss each to their own, when love is in the air Fair fair, a generation speaks, a stream enters consciousness to observe the mind aspire to dream beyond anger and greed suffer from delusions ever unkind terrible dreams of lovers never freed only forced to cut off all of their hair for words never end for Maximilian Suffer endlessly from pain and sorrow as if love demanded tribute with pain intelligence is not enough to know not enough to understand, to borrow the car, to drive safely, only one chance Victory loves the smell, nothing to gain aspire to care as a practice, to show leaves a trace, exit as if never seen exist as if like a ninja, to glance nothingness in a glimpse of she...

Das Leben ist der Leib Jesu Christi Dust and ashes, skull and crossbones, poison advertised in the universal press stress over finances, live and let live Liberty and freedom for the chosen even if they now no longer believe belief in life and love, full of distress even if faith like water through a sieve nothing but spaghetti in olive oil if this is the meaning of life, to grieve suffering everywhere, everyone hurts tranquility and equanimity deliver us from lies in fits and starts even to fall into duality recovers from decades of hopeless toil Lift up the body off the cross, the man even now no longer here but spirit if this is meaningless, open the door beauty unfolds out of the frying pan Jesus Christ, into the fire, what hell everyone falls down deep into the pit suck it up and move on, under the floor under the boards, the truth only God knows Christ Almighty, I curse, my soul to sell honor bright, I hope to die before long rest assured, to sleep and no...

In America, where I live and thrive not as an American, do I dare American, ha ha ha, a writer must, as need be, in order to survive engage with Ursus americanus remember it is Latin for black bear if I were not a lover, a fighter causes catastrophic damage, this cage a prison, this world full of arrogance welcome to the Inferno of Dante how no one no longer knows wrongdoing each day, my pace slows down to andante realize the kettle, a song brewing each morning, as sparrows, all in a rage I live in ambiguity, no fear lingers from childhood, the black bear knocks twice in the morning, we run on the sidewalk victims of prejudice, we drink a beer each day before we ride the train, Red Line ask me not what goes on, what makes the mice needlessly beg, two hands, two feet, they talk drugged out for years, atrophy, their brains gone tell me the black bear is not death, a fine hovers over my head, karma, I jest remember, I am a poet, I lie in bed and realize, this is a...

Talking to women, they know the art of asking the right questions never goes wrong laughing at the right time, in the right way kindness goes a long way like hand in glove insist on never discussing grotesque notions of mundane life, to appear strong gives women a sense of comfort, betray tense and tone in manner and speech to find old men sing the blues, beauties statuesque wonder why things went south and walk away on long legs, a tall glass of milk, to drink mouthful after mouthful, guzzle, they say each man with a lady knows how to think needless to mention to always be kind tumbleweeds do not care about people humans act as if we were the center egocentric, self-centered, the same thing yet, we commune underneath the steeple kindness is never rough, but on the court nobody is gentle, just to enter onto the varnished floorboards may just bring women to flock like birds to watch your game trust me, I am an idiot, I snort hard rock, pulverized to fine dust, I c...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. ~ Groucho Marx --- Take the body, how difficult it is as a human being to live inside killing machines without a care to harm each day, to wake up in the bubbly fizz transformed by the need to guzzle a drink how selzer water helps us to confide each day, after a night out, the alarm blares each morning to wake up, roosters crow only on the farm, in the country, think decide what is best, mineral water yes, effervescent, boiling up, not hot hot water for her shower, your daughter once in the desert, a fever, she caught welcome the body, as the rivers flow down into the sea, itself, a body if you could feel your feet, neuropathy forget about the sciatica pain fumble and tumble, drink a hot toddy if proprioception you lack, just wait caution to you and your daughter, Cathy until you remember, inside your brain longing for a past that is no longer tough break but you know how...

Wszechświat Saying goodbye is never easy, dear Saying goodbye to mom, never easy, you know, she asked me to travel all the way to her house, Southern California, residential HB you know, Huntington Beach, where we grew up and played, I am getting old, now in a heartbeat, all gone, wishful thinking, sorrow, I run over gravel no easy feat, for miles, but here in Chicago, two thousand miles away give me a rail ticket, I cannot take a flight, no REAL ID, you see good, my first time to try something new, a virgin, have you heard of the Tao observe the way, balance, as if on a slack line, that might be fun, a game older now and broken, sorrow and suffering, what do I know, they say decidedly, nothing, not much at all, you see, the writing on the wall bless your heart, as they say, facetious, sarcastic, but no, all for the best yes, everything happens for the best, even though, we feel helpless and small everyone in the boat, in the same boat, the earth floating, give it a rest i...

I never wanted to be a poet I was born in Bombay, now Mumbai, India, but I grew up elsewhere not realizing why, nothing really made sense, things seemed arbitrary even my family, with blood and genetics as primary factors visions, I imagine, beyond this universe, what is that over there even before science, or just after science, why we try to explain remember, I grew up elsewhere, Huntington Beach, a little bit scary wonder, I imagine, what it would be like to have been raised by actors a joke, to make a rhyme, I never wanted this, to become a poet not that I have published anything of merit, but it does warp my brain to want to write better, to want to write lyrics, I was once in a band ever since my band failed, I fell back on writing, less heroin addicts drugs and the music scene seemed to walk hand in hand but then, I took a stand to learn to think clearly, to feel the emotions magically, full of tricks or full of illusions, to learn of delusion, or to just drink Moët...

Believe whatever your heart desires Before neurodivergent, or spicy even my neurotypical brother let predatory behavior govern individual acts with an icy eye on the prize, sadistic playfulness viewed in hindsight, judgment as the other egregious as books of history burn witness the world change, too little, too late honesty, the whole truth, as wakefulness approaches past events, careful to cast the dice with a mindful eye not to roll emergent possibilities to last virtually beyond heights of a knoll ever-present as a fortune to hate remember, not to roll craps, then again you choose your own destiny, your own voice owns the reinvention of past events understand and move on, if and then, when remembrance of things past, not for the best help me, somebody, help me, as my choice envelopes the future, for all intents and purposes, to make sense of the rules regulations to keep us in check, test triggers for trauma, pain guides decisions develop as a broken man, d...

To cause unnecessary, undue harm of course, we are only human, to feel errors in behavior communicate relative discomfort, sound the alarm restless merchants of disease and distress ignorant of a banana to peel sickness by a lack, how to mitigate harm, hurt feelings, public discourse, as words understand in themselves tones to address malarkey, to say less and bite a tongue animosity is just frustration no sex, no wonder, step down just one rung traverse the playing field, the cessation of suffering, the goal, observe the birds fail to augur through divination, speech ordained by the gods of business as sound realize mistakes in practice too late grounded as prey by a bloodsucking leech interest lost as effort accrues in cost vision in the moment to release bound efficient cause to pass through a blocked gate drown out the noise around a distraction instructed by a good, beautiful ghost veer towards the center as to enter impossible outcomes, in truth, a right ...

You told me never to change, so I am only eighteen years old for forty years understand this life is a curse, unstuck tucked in, under the covers, little lamb only I grew wiser, so, so sorry leave me to my sorrow, so full of tears despite such happiness, such a dumb fuck makes his way, full of luck, sincerity effaces the ego without worry negate the past, eyes cast downward, too hard ego creates sorrow and suffering visions of past and future, a blank card ego relates horror as buffering reverse psychology, austerity torments within spirituality ordinary people understand faith characters in a book play as actors how could you know substantiality adverse to ideas of the Universe nothing but an analogy, a wraith given the keys to the kingdom, factors emerge as conditions, circumstances surface as brutal facts, can we rehearse only the final scene, the audience I observe has no clue, if their surprise absorbs the narrative, this much I sense makes perfect sense,...

All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” ― Worstward Ho ― Samuel Beckett The Inscrutable Vagaries of Love Test after test, I fail, the point being...true love is a myth for others how then was I to know, was I supposed to know how it feels, so alone each month, each week, each day, no better, up and down, as the pendulum swings invest in family with time and energy, but nobody bothers nobody has the time or energy to care, I look back and I cry suck it up, people die and we move on as if a dog, given a bone creates such a focus to forget all sorrow, angels without their wings receive and deliver letters and packages, messages from beyond until understanding faces a paradox, I was supposed to try try harder, fail better, I was supposed to know that my mom will die soon as old as Jesus Christ, someone else, I believe in whom I have no faith babble from the pulpit, but I digress, tangent, a toe in a lagoon let...

Hi, I am the author of the book they forced you to read for English class in hindsight, I offer an apology from the bottom of my heart I cannot imagine your misfortune to skim and not enjoy this work arguably, it is my best work but I say that talking out my ass maybe you would prefer to fuck the girl next door or play video games trust me, I was a kid once, too, back in the day, lovemaking is an art however, if rabbits can do it, so can you, you're young, don't be a jerk egregious as it sounds, I am not Pacino, I feel too old to fuck authority means less when power is water through a sieve, set in frames understanding movies better than stupid books, I see why you like sports time spent out on the pitch with mates and supporters, better than robbing banks hopelessly in love with Amanda in London, the skirts on tennis courts ordinary women, they pay you attention, as you enter think tanks restless for excitement, you take up skydiving, four-leafed clover for luck ...

Do people not get it, the why to life Despite a strange childhood, moving from place to place, no time to settle down ordinary people come and go, come and go, no one around for long perhaps my parents seemed like escaped criminals from behind prison walls everyone comes and goes in this world and beyond, this circus has one clown only one clown, a child, the boy cannot but cry, he makes his parents proud people do not get it, the why to life is love, the how in life is wrong long ago in Goa, from Alto Porvorim, my grandmother, her goals eclipsed by her marriage to my brother's dad's dad, who died when he was young no, not his dad, our dad, we are, of course, siblings, unless behind a cloud obscured from conception, the reason why distance becomes a central theme take family as myth, the House of Atreus, with Tántalos to start generations depart from history, take part in the mundane grand scheme egocentric leaders acting as hēgemōn know how to throw a dart tra...