In Their Defense ~ Wednesday, February 25, 2026
About my family, what I could not tell you takes place behind closed doors
behind the sheer curtains, the facade, the veneer, the appearance, the cult
of personality, as denial embraces dysfunction as untrue
underneath this disguise of normalcy, all good, is what nature abhors
the void that is devoid of matter, what matters, emptiness, a vacuum
maybe I imagine, she says, I think too much, is it really my fault
yes, that is what she said, accountability, in a word, the sky blue
feelings and emotions overwhelm my body, I cannot understand
arguments that arise, ego gets in the way, just to stay in my room
maybe if I were good, I could have been better, not acting out a role
impossible, I know, they hold me to account, all my fault, I was bad
little bird, the black sheep, as the prodigal son, I was out of control
yes, it was all my fault, they would have been normal, whatever that means, sad
welcome to my old age, mom says she is dying, how things get out of hand
how different things could be, without the alcohol, the neglect, lack of care
a sadistic brother, latch-key kids together, hateful cruelty means
the world lacks all value, behind closed doors, time fades, but how the scars remain
I lied, I stole, I hurt, no one saw me transform, a hopeless child, I dare
call out my family, my brother and cousin, hateful and horrible
only they feel nothing, all I feel is anger, my pockets full of beans
understanding nothing, a child abused and harmed, will soon go quite insane
left alone to play drums, I formed a band and smiled, but sorrow pulled me down
depressed, I lost my job, crying all of the time, lost my girlfriend, scribble
no one knows, no one cares, the truth hidden, unknown, meetings and therapy
only I got better, I could make sense of pain, memories and sorrow
trust me, though they will not, my family, just words, power as tyranny
trust me, though I cannot, I cannot trust myself, ingrained as to borrow
each moment, full of debt, credit against future success, I fail and drown
let me go, let me dream, my dreams all gone, too late to save, to salvage dreams
let me be, let me die, I am so tired, now, tired of running miles
yet, death does not listen, with selective hearing, but the walls hear my words
only, my ancestors, my birth, arbitrary, and the walls hear my screams
understanding nothing, this world never makes sense, suffering is a clue
trouble is I am warped, a worthless plank of wood, experience, no smiles
answers to the questions, why people act the way they do, the little birds
kissing, full of kindness, love is sweet, not hollow, I am a hollow log
ever sweet, as a child, I became a victim, a survivor, I flew
swiftly away, refuge, nowhere but within mind, loving-kindness, I trust
promises of others never, but make amends, I grew, I knew I would
lasting impressions scar, happiness, all but gone, maybe I should lick rust
ask me not of the past, nothing of the future, would if I could, I should
call out the violence, as punishment for deeds, heart of gold, as a hog
emptiness envelopes every experience entering ecstasy
but with enlightenment, my suspicions aroused, sit around on my ass
even if I could find meaning in religion, this sorrow is pain
how never to reflect, to dwell on the horror, to write an elegy
ignorance hides behind closed doors, full of neglect, shame and blame, lack of care
no, but in their defense, food, clothing, and shelter, school and learning, smoke grass
despite being too young, and I drank alcohol, to emulate, no gain
concrete ideas occur, shape an adolescent, politics as a friend
languish in solitude, once my friends moved away, with whom, then, could I share
objective awareness, the big picture, details, logic, philosophy
solutions to problems, but the world does not care, they want to make money
everything in the world revolves around money, I went out with Sophie
destined to fail, my French not up to speed, charming, black coffee and honey
defend their excesses, the family unbound, I left, came to an end
objects get in the way, beautiful distractions, obstacles and hurdles
obey unspoken rules, but not to understand, now, too little, too late
remember the cleaver threatening a small boy, to cut his hands off, great
silence, crimson as blood, as royalty, noble circles, life is marbles
behind the sheer curtains, the facade, the veneer, the appearance, the cult
of personality, as denial embraces dysfunction as untrue
underneath this disguise of normalcy, all good, is what nature abhors
the void that is devoid of matter, what matters, emptiness, a vacuum
maybe I imagine, she says, I think too much, is it really my fault
yes, that is what she said, accountability, in a word, the sky blue
feelings and emotions overwhelm my body, I cannot understand
arguments that arise, ego gets in the way, just to stay in my room
maybe if I were good, I could have been better, not acting out a role
impossible, I know, they hold me to account, all my fault, I was bad
little bird, the black sheep, as the prodigal son, I was out of control
yes, it was all my fault, they would have been normal, whatever that means, sad
welcome to my old age, mom says she is dying, how things get out of hand
how different things could be, without the alcohol, the neglect, lack of care
a sadistic brother, latch-key kids together, hateful cruelty means
the world lacks all value, behind closed doors, time fades, but how the scars remain
I lied, I stole, I hurt, no one saw me transform, a hopeless child, I dare
call out my family, my brother and cousin, hateful and horrible
only they feel nothing, all I feel is anger, my pockets full of beans
understanding nothing, a child abused and harmed, will soon go quite insane
left alone to play drums, I formed a band and smiled, but sorrow pulled me down
depressed, I lost my job, crying all of the time, lost my girlfriend, scribble
no one knows, no one cares, the truth hidden, unknown, meetings and therapy
only I got better, I could make sense of pain, memories and sorrow
trust me, though they will not, my family, just words, power as tyranny
trust me, though I cannot, I cannot trust myself, ingrained as to borrow
each moment, full of debt, credit against future success, I fail and drown
let me go, let me dream, my dreams all gone, too late to save, to salvage dreams
let me be, let me die, I am so tired, now, tired of running miles
yet, death does not listen, with selective hearing, but the walls hear my words
only, my ancestors, my birth, arbitrary, and the walls hear my screams
understanding nothing, this world never makes sense, suffering is a clue
trouble is I am warped, a worthless plank of wood, experience, no smiles
answers to the questions, why people act the way they do, the little birds
kissing, full of kindness, love is sweet, not hollow, I am a hollow log
ever sweet, as a child, I became a victim, a survivor, I flew
swiftly away, refuge, nowhere but within mind, loving-kindness, I trust
promises of others never, but make amends, I grew, I knew I would
lasting impressions scar, happiness, all but gone, maybe I should lick rust
ask me not of the past, nothing of the future, would if I could, I should
call out the violence, as punishment for deeds, heart of gold, as a hog
emptiness envelopes every experience entering ecstasy
but with enlightenment, my suspicions aroused, sit around on my ass
even if I could find meaning in religion, this sorrow is pain
how never to reflect, to dwell on the horror, to write an elegy
ignorance hides behind closed doors, full of neglect, shame and blame, lack of care
no, but in their defense, food, clothing, and shelter, school and learning, smoke grass
despite being too young, and I drank alcohol, to emulate, no gain
concrete ideas occur, shape an adolescent, politics as a friend
languish in solitude, once my friends moved away, with whom, then, could I share
objective awareness, the big picture, details, logic, philosophy
solutions to problems, but the world does not care, they want to make money
everything in the world revolves around money, I went out with Sophie
destined to fail, my French not up to speed, charming, black coffee and honey
defend their excesses, the family unbound, I left, came to an end
objects get in the way, beautiful distractions, obstacles and hurdles
obey unspoken rules, but not to understand, now, too little, too late
remember the cleaver threatening a small boy, to cut his hands off, great
silence, crimson as blood, as royalty, noble circles, life is marbles
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