"I sought fit words to paint the blackest face of woe" ~ Sir Philip Sidney

シカゴ 支所 スポーツ Shikago Shisho Supōtsu A dead-end job, this shit show company As I walk through the basement, the phone rings dead silence, no one on the other line emptiness as if from beyond but where ask if anyone is there, Macie sings difficult to hear if there is a voice emptiness still, hang up, this life of mine nothing but calls, your dime, from over there decide to move on, cannot, stuck, to scream just does not make sense, do I have a choice of course, you always have a choice, they say but, of course, you do not in the moment this life in retail is hell, with no pay help me, somebody, help me, I am spent if this is my karma, just a bad dream sever the corpus callosum, I shake shit-show blues, delirium tremens, I wake hollow inside, choose this alcoholic infernal afterlife, did I do wrong to choose this job, this position, this place shelves of shoe boxes, this must be a trick how beautiful, the options for people only, it feels grotesque, the odor strong ...

Dear God,      Yes, I am ready to Glock out ever so, ever so...what is the point aspire to burn the house down, tired really, ever so, ever so...I doubt God forbid that I do anything good or worthwhile, my God, is time out of joint decidedly, they say, I am fired Yes! Freedom, liberty, release, at last echoes of a bygone era, dead wood smolders, charcoal embers, burn down the house I know that I am wrong for this world, wrong as stranger danger, a foreign-born mouse murdered by politics, just for a song ready to give up the ghost, an outcast empty vessel no one can fill, broken as a child, a little too wild, unsafe decide to pay less attention, let go yes, responsibility, unspoken tolerable for some, or for no one obey the rules, go to school, a naïf Glock muzzle sniffs my soft palate, just so left to my own devices, I grew up obviously, choices I made alone consequences for my actions, duty kindness, and love but no one do I trust only Deat...

You know you have just one chance to forgive You know you have only one life to live or is that just a lie, a confusion understood and misunderstood as fact knowledge beyond reason you must forgive no one knows beyond what is common sense only reason can discern delusion would that you could see this play in one act you know what I am talking about: life only, you see, time makes all the difference understanding that you cannot return honestly, a weight lifts, life is a gift as each moment passes, decades to burn visions of the impossible, a rift each moment shifts with choices full of strife juries of angels and saints to observe understand all the lies, decades at church stories they tell each other from a book tell me which way to drive and when to swerve only this world, I cannot understand not just when they hurt or try to besmirch each name and reputation, take a look change your patterns of thought, as to make strange however convoluted this journey as if...

Who, what, where, when, why, and how, the sequence has no order, rhyme or reason to find as a non-native speaker seeks to speak truth to injustice as a consequence When things get out of hand as a migrant however the government seeks to bind each citizen to protect from the weak ne'er-do-well who pulls the fire alarm Who, according to the law, looks aslant how easy a task to find a scapegoat other people are the problem, they say Why question authority, people vote how they let others represent, no way yes, America is the land of harm

In the beginning... Insanity is no defense against notions of self-defense, in cases of theater and murder, the first degree however, as justice is thus dispensed enter a plea of madness, what a risk before time, there was just the stars above enter the stream, no gods, no masters, see given before the birth of time, nonsense in the beginning, God ate lobster bisque nothing goes unthought or without a plan nothing but the kitchen sink, all at once in the beginning, God ate Raisin Bran nothing but the best for the king, a dunce given how nothing now makes a difference

A Letter for Toad Anais, dear friend, I found you a book Literally, a guilty pleasure, child each time I see you, I sense a big smile to think we were friends before we met, look to other people that sounds like nonsense each time I see you, I become quite mild rather gentle and playful, all the while forgetting the fact: I am an old man or an old crab, Cancer, as my defense really, long ago, I was a good boy Tomorrow, I may no longer be here of course, espresso is a simple joy and to read, Frog and Toad Are Friends, I fear definitely, your eyes would like to scan

De mortuis nil nisi bonum dicendum est Deliberate as a jury on death eternity seems a really long time maybe to celebrate in this moment ordinary as it sounds, this one breath remember to cherish all that you see tune in to the beautiful as a crime understand inequality, consent in the duplicity, the grotesque lies seen but unrecognized as not beauty not the good or the true, so much sorrow in this world, this heartbreak, workers unite line up in a queue, a perfect arrow nothing in this world is perfect, despite intelligent mathematicians and spies solving problems, creating solutions in a world focused on entertainment beauty, health and wealth as means to an end obviously glamor, as conclusions noted to what is random, the given understanding life in itself, how spent many feel during the work week, to bend down and clean shit from the pavement, your dog in a nutshell, how lucky, the raven count your blessings with both hands as you pray each day and night be...

To fall asleep in my hoodie, so nice To say the day was long, hyperbole of course, I was tired, I am old now forget that I woke up at six o'clock as if that were a big deal, now at three lest I forget, the farmers of the world little do I know, wake to milk a cow and sailors wait outside on a cold dock so meeting, work, and then to go running little do I see my fingerprints whorled each to their own, as common and mundane everyone knows but me, I want to sleep please, a little luxury is insane in this world, workers of the world are sheep no one will mind if people are cunning maybe, of myself, a little ahead yes, convoluted, in my head, I get help me to overcome my own soft brain only, I wake in my hoodie, in bed only, this is not a fortune cookie despite the fact, you know, we just met if I could tell you, right here, on the train escape, as fast and as far as you can so you do not hear about my bookie only he cuts off hands and feet, so kind nice, nice, ...

I am the way, and the truth, and the life. ~ John 14:6 NRSV I would sooner beat them with a Bible as if to show my faith in faithlessness maybe you understand my frustration that I cannot say here without libel how to say less, say nothing, say no more each to their own, within this fatelessness way out, beyond my own desecration answers remain hidden, found by others yet the way is pitch-black, lost as before answers unimportant, so near at hand nothing but mindlessness, so sad, but real descending the hourglass, grains of sand thankless, ungrateful zombies cannot feel how important it is to know, brothers each to their own, to witness with two eyes truth, a rhetorical question to ask rely on experience and not faith understanding language games beyond lies thoughtlessness to discuss acts beyond harm how each person, their persona, a mask as if character, a fictional wraith nothing but wisps of smoke to weigh with salt do not forget, son, to set the alarm thou...

What did I do to deserve this treatment What is it, it is what it is, let go how much worse can it get, know what I mean attribute the abuse to the victim tell it like it is, say nothing, say no dodo, you are extinct, you are no more if to say less, I guess, if I come clean dodo, this will not revive just how slim I say no more, I am beat, I am done do I need to give in, what is the score order a double whiskey neat, Kool-Aid to say they drink Kool-Aid, I drink bourbon order me another double, the grade diminished by my faults, by the big con embellish all the lies, in truth, what fun servants to their status, I laugh, money each to their own, what a joke they create relax, I smile, genuine as their faith veritably, if I could not, honey exactly as I said, I write, so sad thrash the other in the mirror, not great how to get by, karma, a lie, a wraith in this world, whatever they imagine solve the problem, move on, no hope, so glad thanks but no thanks, treat me ...

I am the true vine I am just a character in a book a figment of your imagination maybe you have heard of me, I was born the son of my father, another spook how they betray and spy on each other each to their own, to defend the nation true as the blood and water that they scorn rough, unshaven faces choose to believe underhanded backdoor deals, my mother enters the lottery, with stones to throw visions of executions, I accuse imagination, what I cannot know notorious politicians who choose entertainment as a way to relieve

What Is an Author? ~ Michel Foucault Perverse how persuasive and invasive everyone nonchalant as Chalamet remember Salomé and King Herod visions not uncertain, so pervasive avoid discussions about the future situation normal, all fucked up, Bae institutions unintelligent, God value the possibilities unknown everyone friends with Timothée, for sure answers hidden as the clues in a dream no one knows who or what creates the quiz only by artifice, to hear the scream no one listens, no one cares, what it is yes, adults act as if they were full grown maybe humanity is not the end if say, another species comes along time and only time will tell, to belong yes, a young tree must flex and learn to bend

How did we stumble across this logic History is neither kind nor unkind obviously indifferent as a form witnesses to events remark on things disappearing as if time would rescind invitations to inhabit this space disagree with an electrical storm weak as sailors longing for a lighthouse empire does not care for a dead mouse since when do I know why the caged bird sings tumble into a rabbit hole, as when understanding becomes lost without grace my original face, what does this mean before my birth, before my conception lead on by my predecessors, to glean ever so slowly, thought as deception against the backdrop of space-time is zen cut the coarse fabric of this mortal coil religion cannot save this human race only compassion and loving-kindness sweet and conniving is the world, I toil so long to retrace my steps before mind thwacks the back of my head, in my disgrace how I bow low before the emptiness in this world, things disappear, lost and found still, some things remain lost, was I...

When my head is on your bosom I feel how to say this without sounding creepy even though it is not above the clouds not above what dirty pillows reveal mostly about cultural repression yes, I feel like a little boy, sleepy head on the breasts of his mother, the crowds everywhere point at an old man, outré answer me this, why live in suppression decidedly as puritanical in cultural mindset as runaways sinister, ever so maniacal old world values, we reject but who says new age thought is any better, how gay yes gay, as in queer as fuck, strange, old man on her heavy bosom, her massive breasts until you become old, you will not long restless as a toddler, seeking to span both ways, the length and breadth of the nation only to swim, bike, or run as suggests solitary ultra athletes ping-pong over great expanses to discover many miles later, there is no station I seek to embrace the sad, little boy forgotten and neglected by myself elastic memories stretch like a toy...

This is the other who is subjected to harm and wrong as the unknown is as the wherefore to torture, a word To read the news, to select what to read how I pick and choose from what is given is a gift in itself like my two eyes subtle how the beauty beholds her feed in captivity, I choose this or that slippery slope to pick six or seven the media as medium has spies how everything changes with our choices each choice takes us down the rabbit hole, splat order or chaos, straight or dynamic the balance found often out of balance how another set of eyes makes comic each choice and decision with just a glance rejoice, we are free to read, our voices when, at liberty, we are free to choose how rare an act to make a decision only when the first domino tumbles if the setup guides us to win or lose such is the background to every action such consequences from an incision under anesthesia, if God stumbles because of all possible worlds, the best jettisoned with the plans, w...

I wrote four tales about the same events written in the voices of different men right or wrong, a narrative must be told only after I finished, how intense the tales became legend, truth near and far except how can fiction be true? Amen forget that I cannot ever grow old or die but I must walk and bear this weight until every human being, their star restores its blinding light or becomes dark tales of fiction appear as treachery as blasphemy to those who see the spark lightning without a bolt, each century ends with believers in search of their faith search Heaven and Earth, search Hell for God's sake answers found in prayer, thoughts of a wraith burdened with past mistakes, I pulled the brake only the lever revealed my dark fate until I could forgive myself and find truth in the fiction, in the lie, believe that God appeared, not just a holy man how I long to find the spirit, unkind exactly approximately this life seems to withdraw before I can receive abso...

Frustration and disappointment Father, ashes, bones, dust, in a tin box rest eternal in a cemetery until my time to swim with the fishes sardines in a tin box, when Old Stone Fox talks of frustration and disappointment rest assured, he was in a library after they locked the doors, strange how wishes turn not into kisses but shelves of books inside, behind closed doors, a complement of his practice, sitting meditation not only could he not relax to read anger grew, a seed, while on vacation nothing to do but still his mind, to feed dangerous criminals sly, dirty looks distance in space and time leaves time to think indifferent to the sorrows of childhood suffering, each person must bear such weight as expected by decades, we must not shrink particularly, when we feel alone pleasant as that may sound, it does no good only to dwell on the past, on the hate indeed, even though poison is a tool no one survives old age, even a crone to speak of my father in a tin box ...

Death: Walter daCunha 9 Jul: Huntington Beach, California. WALTER LUSIO DaCUNHA. Aged 76. (Ex-Porvorim, Goa; ex-Nairobi, Kenya). Veteran of international flight logistics – with East African Airways, Air India, Tiger International, Federal Express. He leaves behind his beloved wife (of 49 years), Doris, sons Terence and Rui and two grandsons. Walter was an unobtrusive but staunch supporter of Goan initiates, causes, activities and associations, in Kenya and in Southern California. He was a member of G.O.A. from the time of his arrival here in 1976. Funeral Mass will be held at Sts. Simon and Jude Catholic Church, 20444 Magnolia Ave., Huntington Beach on Wednesday, 17 July, 2013 at 10:00 a.m. Condolences to email --- I am sorry but I do not exist as a matter of fact, neither do you maybe you imagine that you are real sorry but...to argue, if you insist of course, this can be proven either way really, philosophy puts in the screw really, amphiboly makes its appeal yes, just like i...

At work, in the basement, a little mouse terrified by humanity, is stuck whimpering and crying, on a glue strip only I cannot kill, this is my house recognize the other seeking release kindness is a gentle man, who gives a fuck in this world, the traps are set, get a grip not without much patience, the mouse is freed the freedom of billions rests on the peace honored by fortitude, I use a key extract the mouse very gently, let go brutal reality, mammals, I see as hateful, mean creatures, our systems show systemic corruption, violence, greed entertaining himself with my struggle my co-worker watches this right effort entertaining is our house on fire nothing without consequences, juggle time in all three phases, how imminent an event, unprepared, as to abort life, a fetus, a child, a mouse, dire is the lesson to learn, the professor the older man cheering, not heaven-sent this man, my co-worker, will be homeless let go, without a job, with no income exactly what...

Revelation 22 (NIV) Revelations and Fire Dances walk exotic ego trips on LSD veritably, back in the day, we saw electric anarchy, I cannot talk less said is more, Killing Joke in L.A. an amphitheater, my memory terrified by torches, makeup, the raw introduction to the Dark Arts, shake hands or sign your name in blood, as they say nobody understands your sacrifice Twenty-two, old enough to drink and smoke went south with the Monarchs to taste the spice everyone always says that they are broke not a red cent among their swollen glands tying running shoelaces with slipknots you perform magic tricks for unicorns two years is long enough to learn it all wonders never cease, the world filled with bots old dog, new tricks, soon caught, stick in the mud New International Version, who scorns everybody as the Other, the gall women and children first, with men second If— as Kipling writes, the cow eats her cud now, in the concert of my dreams, return terribly imposs...

Equality: a tool of the privileged Equanimity balances the mind questions arise regarding consciousness understandable, I must confess time and again to put a dime in my hand liquid sunshine dazzles the mind with breath impossible to focus, I digress tie my laces in double knots, my crime yes, why I run when I can for as far as I can go, or some goal before death to run the length around the Equator objective distance over speed, I bleed on my shoes after I fall, bulls to gore lift my heels higher, my knees up, I feed only pigeons birdseed from a glass jar for I must wait at times for the Red Line the mind, out of balance, seeks out dry land how water appears in motion, it flows ebbs with the lunar tides, my words seem fine privileged with education, not money reason appears as an idea, not bland in the park nearby, a firefly glows visions too beautiful for words, simple indebted to wisdom, pots of honey lift the fulcrum level, equality equanimity, how impossib...

To write The Great American Novel oh, could you...imagine, an immigrant writing about people who know nothing really, did they come out of a hovel indeed, it seems that way, the way they act technically, my knowledge, in fact, is scant everyone tries to get along, to sing The National Anthem before a race how, Take Me Out to the Ballgame, a pact everyone knows in the seventh inning Great, a foreigner, born elsewhere, raised here really, what do they know about winning everything is the lottery, sincere apologies, until you see my face to watch everyone look away, I fear America cannot get past the gate maybe the mare bucks her rider, jitters everyone responds differently to mere reality, appearances, they say in truth, for God's sake, the State in debate call for discussion, tonic and bitters alcohol is a tool to overcome nothingness, mediocrity, the gray Novelty of being anonymous obscurity in the face of bright light versions of the self seem autonomous...

In one hundred and twenty trillion years not only will none of this matter much only if the last star turns into dust not a single light bulb, no people left everyone long gone, everything now dark how cold the universe without a word understood by a species of beings not just human but animal as well decidedly stupid and ignorant readers of threads and reels, of videos entertainment was their education decidedly ignorant and stupid answers not forthcoming end in the void not disintegrated in hot lava deep inside a hungry ghost volcano twins disappear but now nobody cares wedged between now and deep time, the darkness empties in reverse through connective joints nothing ever really mattered but war tribute to Caesar, ideology yes, the fabric of false dichotomies time becomes still within silence, dark hype rifle through memories to remember insanity runs in my family left to my own devices, I would drown left with a sense of duty, I recall instruction in hope ...

Long ago, over fourteen billion years on another planet, just like the Earth not overpopulated by humans given the opportunity, I left and came to, what was then, the Sahara given the verdant beauty at the time old and gray, I wrote a book, a fiction only no one knew how to interpret visions I saw of four men, whom I knew empty-headed followers of a man riddles profound, they wrote four chronicles four narratives of uncertain events over the centuries, millenia under scrutiny, four stories became real, not true, but an honest depiction terror of the foreign, one man, I wrote entered the vernacular of worship entered the deification of man no more a man than a flesh and blood god bones broken to make him vulnerable in each account, stories differed widely left to the imagination, to faith little were the events questioned, believed in the context of magical thinking onion skins used as parchment, or vellum not to harm another animal, words yes, important to tho...

In the order of paper, scissors, rock If ever I could never get angry never get upset with people or things things happen, no need to lose my cool, but how easily we fail, things go awry everything always just like this, people obey the law, until to do so brings reason into conflict with needs, I cut diagonal to avoid oncoming exiting traffic, look both ways, sheeple runners are better off when drivers look only if their phones were aware, could sense fortune about to change, rewrite the book perhaps people are inherently dense answer questions, solve problems, outgoing personal letters, what does this imply ergo sum, Cartesian coordinates rational points, geometric system silly kids play games, paper, scissors, rock create a win-or-lose contest, three fates inform and decide playful destiny sabotage the ego, spit out some phlegm suck it up, anger swells, I feel a shock orbits my gravity, painful, my face rocks back, from a lack of sincerity such is my luck on...