Middlesex ~ Monday, September 21, 2026

for Amanda

I wanted to tell you that I love you

wanted to tell you just before we left
and I would never talk to you again
never is a long time, what could I do
ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years
essentially, a child, I am bereft
decisions based on emotions, no gain

tortured by my older brother, to think
only if I were an only child, tears

tell the world of consequences, sorrow
each time I look back at my childhood, sad
literature would make me a sparrow
little boy in London, never glad, mad

yes, angry and insane, I need a drink
only I go for a run, or just sit
under the linden tree and meditate

that you may have laughed at a little boy
how a little girl in her playhouse lit
a match to remember a memory
to remember an event past its date

I remember disgrace without much joy

love is sacred, honest and true, not lies
only to suffer loss in a story
versions of the truth tease their way to light
emptiness is what is missing, long gone

you appeared for a moment, am I right
only to disappear, love is a con
understood by the brother I despise